Image via Complex Original
We all get old but when we get old we don't have nagging injuries as part of the daily routine. The type of daily pain some of these titans of the squared circle feel when they get out of bed would have most of us calling in sick. Call wrestling fake all you want but getting slammed onto some wooden planks hurts like hell. Do that 250 nights a year and then tell us how fake it is.
Sometimes life comes down to the question: Would you rather die young and live like a king or die old and wither away with regret? We'd bet a good number of us would pick choice number one. Who the hell wants to reach the century mark anyway? Perhaps life off the mat hasn't been perfect (although there's a few success stories) but these guys ditched the big and tall suit shops to throw on spandex and grapple night after night in Speedos. If we were 6'6" and three bills we'd be tempted to do the same.
But enough of that, we're here to celebrate Jake the Snake's 58th birthday. So relive your glory days of WrestleMania sleepovers, getting loaded on Mountain Dew, and then spraining your friend's neck on the couch. Where Are They Now? Your Favorite WWE Stars of the '80s.
RELATED: The 50 Greatest Pro Wrestling Entrances of All Time Pt. 1
RELATED: The 50 Greatest Pro Wrestling Entrances of All Time Pt. 2
RELATED: A Complete History of WrestleMania Personalities Dying Before the Age of 60
RELATED: The Best 80s Movies List
Mr. Perfect
Years Active: 1980-2003
The fan favorite died of a heart attack at the age of 44 in 2003. His father believed steroids and painkillers contributed to his demise, though the official reason was a cocaine overdose. Curt had four children, two of which are now wrestlers.
Jerry "The King" Lawler
Years Active: 1970-Present
Jerry was onset for Man on the Moon, the biopic of comic Andy Kaufman. While filming the movie, Lawler sent Jim Carrey, the film's star, to the hospital after the actor spit on him. If you'll look above you may remember he had a memorable appearance with the late comedian on a 1982 episode of Late Night with David Letterman. In 2009, "The King" came in fifth in an election to be the Mayor of Memphis. More recently the long-time commentator had some real drama when he had a heart attack while announcing in 2012; he is planning on re-entering the ring. Hopefully this won't play out like The Wrestler.
Honky Tonk Man
Years Active: 1977-Present
Roy Farris a.k.a. "The Honky Tonk Man" was a witness for the defendant on Judge Jeanine Pirro's highest-rated episode of all time. He and Greg Valentine were in an Insane Clown Posse music video (so that's something). But now, believe it or not, Honky Tonk Man is headed back to the ring.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Years Active: 1979-Present
If you were a Hacksaw fan you're in luck, he's slated to appear in a reality show: WWE Legends House, which is currently in production. Others slated to be involved (and on this list) are Honky Tonk Man and Roddy Piper.
Diamond Dallas Page
Years Active: 1988-2009
Page created his own workout revolving around yoga (which he's used to help Jake the Snake lose over 50 pounds). You can laugh but don't get it twisted, that shit is tough. See what we did there?
Anyway, he also trademarked a few of his own yoga moves, even suing Jay-Z when he alleged Mr. Carter stole one of his hand gestures. Later he sued 3OH!3 for the same thing. Not only has he continued to both hock yoga and keep courts busy but he also hosts his own radio show, DDP Radio.
Tito Santana
Years Active: 1977-2013
After previously teaching wrestling classes and gym, Tito now teaches middle school Spanish and coaches basketball in New Jersey. No detentions, just armbars.
Bam Bam Bigelow
Years Active: 1985-2006
In 2000, Scott Charles Bigelow saved three children from a fire burning almost half his body, no matter what you think of the dude that takes real guts. A little while later he opened a restaurant but it went under. Then he fell off the grid until a child support lawsuit popped up in 2005. He died two years later in early 2007 at 45 years old from a drug overdose.
Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat
Years Active: 1976-1994
The Dragon has kept a relatively low profile, though it is notable that his son (Ricky Jr.) is now a contract wrestler with the WWE. He was working as part of the WWE developmental program but quit and now works for "the talent relations department."
After looking at that pic, we gotta wonder if he was the prototype for Liu Kang. Ricky, if you somehow read this contact your lawyers.
"Superfly" Jimmy Snuka
Years Active: 1969-2010
Jimmy created a reality show with his wife called, the Superfly Challenge. He's also a part owner and a teacher at Bodyslam University, where he can indulge preteen fantasies and midlife crisis fathers alike.
Bob Backlund
Years Active: 1973-Present
Bob coached amateur wrestling (see: actual wrestling) in Connecticut but returned to the WWE in the '90s. While still in the WWE, he jokingly ran for president but it turns out he also unsuccessfully ran for Congress, for real, in 2000 on a platform of "family values."
He still has his eyes on a potential gubernatorial run. He's an owner and operator of Backlund Energy which delivers heating oil to homes (he also uses the website to sell a "gym in the box"). Unlike most wrestlers (who are still alive) on this list he claims to be pain-free, being one of the few to get out of the game before permanent injury set in (though he's not officially retired).
Big John Studd
Years Active: 1972-1989
John died in 1995 at the age of 47 from liver cancer and lymphoma; he became yet another posthumous entrant into both the WCW and WWE Halls of Fame. His life on this planet may have been short but we take solace in the notion that he's heart-punching angels now.
Don Muraco
Years Active: 1970-2006
Don returned to his home state, Hawaii and founded Hawaii Championship Wrestling which folded in 2008. For a while he was a longshoreman loading and unloading ships all day, everyday. That had to be a long way from performing pile drivers at Soldier Field.
Dynamite Kid
Years Active: 1975-1996
Thomas Billington has to use a wheelchair due to paralysis in his left leg. He became reclusive but did agree to an interview in a documentary called Death Grip: Inside Pro Wrestlingthat aired on CNN. He detailed his many injuries which are so severe that he'll never be able to walk again. One of his contemporaries Harley Race believes it's due to Dynamite Kid using a move he created: the "diving headbutt."
"The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
Years Active: 1975-1994
Like several other members on this list, Ted's seed (Ted Jr.) is now a member of the WWE, calling no one sir besides Vince McMahon. As for Ted, he's a Christian minister who both founded his own ministry and penned his own testimony. If thy neighbor covets thy wife then thou shalt receive a folding chair to the back of the head.
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Years Active: 1970-2011
Greg's lived a fairly low key life, dabbling occasionally in leagues like Ohio Valley Wrestling to show future grapplers the ropes. The Hammer also speaks with fellow '80s wrestler Ted DiBiase at high schools and universities as a born-again Christian. But, he reportedly (and controversially) no-showed a number of events including a tribute to Randy Savage.
Yokozuna
Years Active: 1984-2000
On October 23, 2000 at the age of 34, Rodney Anoa'i passed from pulmonary edema (essentially his lungs filled with fluid which caused him to stop breathing). He was almost 600 pounds at the time of his death (his goal was to be between 850-900, peaking at an estimated 780). A dozen years later Anoa'i was posthumously inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake
Years Active: 1977-Present
In February of 2004, he caused a brouhaha at the Downtown Crossing MBTA Station in Boston after leaving a bag of cocaine behind. A patron of the Beantown subway mistook it for anthrax and called it in, as a precaution the entire building was locked down. After admitting it was part of his pre-snort stash, Brutus checked into rehab. He also still cashes in on his celebrity. He's been involved with a number of small-time wrestling leagues (including a Christian one) and lost in the first round of a celebrity boxing tournament to a competitive eater.
He's also had to battle gay rumors from his friend Hulk Hogan's disrguntled gal Linda. Dude seriously, if you can't count on your best buddy in times of carnal need then what the hell can you count on him for!?
Hillbilly Jim
Years Active: 1985-1990
Jim Morris went from a door-to-door sales rep for the Coliseum (the WWE's former video distributor) to Director of Sales for North America 11 years later. The father of four with half a dozen grandchildren also has a show on XM Radio, Hillbilly Jim's Moonshine Matinee on the Outlaw Country channel. If that's not enough, he also has his own line of beef and turkey jerky. If you want some hit up this website.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Years Active: 1975-1986
At this point we all know that Jesse was the Governor of Minnesota. He has endorsed Ron Paul on a number of occasions and expressed interest in being his running mate if the former Texas Rep. opted to campaign as an Independent. Jesse's been on a number of networks as well as radio shows and continues to be active in political commentary. He has not ruled out a run for 2016 (we'll believe it when we see it). Jesse's most controversial position (mainly due to his aggressive defense) is that he's a 9/11 "truther," he even went so far as to host his own show on TruTV called Conspiracy Theories with Jesse Ventura. He's also written a number of conspiracy-minded books (one of which is shown above) as well as filing a lawsuit against the TSA for those obnoxious airport frisk sessions—the lawsuit was dismissed a few months later. If you want visual evidence of Jesse's commitment to conspiracy movements check out his dome, he went from the tough guy, shaved head look to the grown out, balding nutty college professor look.
Ventura has been a lightning rod for controversy. One more notable incident occurred in 2006, when Ventura was allegedly punched in the face by Chris Kyle (the deadliest marksman in U.S. history who was gunned down a few months ago at a shooting range by a fellow marine). Ventura is suing Chris Kyle for defamation claiming the incident never happened. We use the verb 'is' instead of 'was' because even though Kyle's dead, Jesse's now suing the book publisher and Kyle's family. Like we said, he's kind of a controversial dude.
Rick Rude
Years Active: 1982-1994
The dude with the tightest physique in the league passed away at a very young age. On April 20, 1999 (which for the record was the same day as the Columbine massacre) Rick died at 40 years old from "mixed medications" leaving behind a wife and three daughters.
The Iron Sheik
Years Active: 1972-Present
He has expressed interest to return to the world famous mats, at least in some capacity. The man from Iran has been active as hell on social media. Beyond that there really isn't much to report on. Click the above link if you want to see an adorable 70 year old with the filthiest fuckin' mouth on the planet (just about every tweet tells you what you should do to yourself).
Randy "Macho Man" Savage
Years Active: 1973-2005
On May 20, 2011 Macho Man had a heart attack while driving with his wife, lost control of the car and slammed into a tree. Both he and his spouse suffered minor injuries from the crash (it was such a minor crash the airbags didn't deploy) but his enlarged heart caused the inevitable attack and shortly thereafter he was pronounced dead. He wasn't feeling well for weeks but as a former wrestler that's almost expected.
King Kong Bundy
Years Active: 1981-2006
Bundy has tried to make a career out of acting but if you're going to find him anywhere in the public eye it will be onstage as a stand-up comic. Bundy has made a serious effort to tell jokes for a living and is reportedly not completely terrible at it. Feel free to follow his Twitter for updates on shows if you ever want to watch a legendary freak of nature tell some dick jokes.
Big Van Vader
Years Active: 1985-
Perhaps more well known for his portrayal as Frankie Stechino's dad on Boy Meets World, Vader has attempted a comeback after a quasi-retirement. Before that, he was a high school football coach. He also raised money after the 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan, a country where he generated a lot of fame as a headlining body-slammer. His son, Jesse, is currently a developmental wrestler after a hip injury cut his NFL prospects short. Health problems have run in the family as Vader himself had infected knees that forced him to be bedridden for six months.
Since his success in the WWE, Vader has wrestled competitively in Japan where he was the two-time All Japan Pro Wrestling Champ. He said he preferred Japan over the U.S. because even though Japanese pro wrestling is more brutal, the tours are shorter. Vader was having trouble as a "large" man traveling in airplanes, it culminated in him passing out on a trip to Japan which landed him in a coma for over a month, during which he lost 112 pounds, and struggled to both walk and talk again.
As of a year ago, he had claimed to suffer 19 concussions and had gone under the knife 45 times. He said he hit rock bottom in 2007 when he returned home to Colorado to find his wife gone. Since then he's turned his life around and now does speeches and hangs out with veterans who have different backgrounds but many of the same injuries that the, once 425 pound, star suffers from.
Paul Orndorff (Mr. Wonderful)
Years Active: 1976-1995
Orndorff hasn't lived as interesting a post-career as some of these guys but he's stayed true to his wrestling roots. He's helped develop stars like Goldberg while training wrestlers at WCW's Power Plant (wrestling school). Also, congrats to Paul who won the biggest battle of his life by beating cancer via German Suplex.
Ultimate Warrior
Years Active: 1985-2008
Born James Brian Hellwig, he legally changed his name to 'Warrior' in 1993. He began a public speaking career where he denounced left wing politics and argued if everyone is gay the world would cease to exist because no one would reproduce (...okay). Like so many other wrestlers he decided to return to the ring for one last bout of glory in 2008. In his spare time, Warrior filed a lawsuit against the WWE for defaming him in a DVD which offered a retrospective of his career, the suit was dismissed in 2009. He now sells homemade doodles, quotes, and drawings on 6 x 9's.
Rowdy Roddy Piper
Years Active: 1968-Present
Roddy and wrestling commentator, Don Coss, have pooled their money to create Portland Wrestling Uncut, a TV show that pays respect to Portland Wrestling, a local wrestling league that was forced out of business when the WWE went national. He has also claimed to be visited by Adrian Adonis’s ghost. In a way, that answers what two wrestling legends have been up to.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Years Active: 1975-2011
The birthday boy Jake the Snake moved in with Diamond Dallas Page (who was repaying his mentor) in an effort to get sober and in-shape for a potential “final” match. If you remember, Jake was a balloon at the end of his career but he's now regularly drug-tested, attends AA meetings, and has lost over 50 pounds. He's getting closer and closer to getting his life back on track.
Ric Flair
Years Active: 1972-Present
Ric has had a ridiculous amount of problems. From defaulting on home loans to owing the government nearly $1 million in back taxes. He got in trouble for allegedly sexually harassing flight attendants by twirling his dick around while wearing nothing but a cape. He's had abuse allegations from three of four wives, had to pay outrageous alimony's, and had to deal with wife No. 3 breaking into his house. Last September, it was announced that Ric would be going through his fourth divorce (he should've known things would be bad when she punched him three months after their honeymoon.) He's (allegedly) gotten into a fist fight with his son at a wedding and his daughter's boyfriend at a later date. When the cops came his daughter kicked one of them.
He advertised a company called Ric Flair Financial (at both NASCAR and WWE events) that turned out to be "completely illegal" and was immediately terminated. He gave each of his kids a $1,600 a month allowance while buying his cop-kicking little girl a Porsche (this is after all his financial defaults).
Hulk Hogan
Years Active: 1979-Present
Arguably the most famous wrestler of all-time has lived a tumultuous post-career. He chose to throwaway a small fortune rather than tell his daughter Brooke she couldn't sing. Then he did a reality show (which we're sure you were aware of) called Hogan Knows Best. After that, he had a very expensive and public divorce from his wife of almost 24 years, Linda. The former Mrs. Hogan attempted to get back at Hulk by dating 19-year-old, Charlie Hill. Not long after, Hulk's son Nick got into a car accident seriously injuring one of his friends and effectively bringing an end to the VH1 reality show (though you could argue the divorce already took care of that). Hulk then went on to host a revived and short lived recreation of American Gladiators with Muhammad Ali's daughter, Laila, whom he credited with preventing him from committing suicide.
But wait, there's more. In April of last year, a six-year-old videotape of Hulk having sex with the wife of radio host Bubba the Love Sponge emerged, with the fallout settled in a lawsuit in October of last year. It's important to note that Hulk was Bubba's best man at his wedding in 2007. The best place to find Hulk now is utilizing his distinctive voice on several shows on Adult Swim from Robot Chicken to China IL to American Dad. He also opened a restaurant in the Tampa area called "Hogan's Beach." On top of all that, the man who once rejected the cash cow that became the George Foreman Grill (or so he claims) also has a website for wannabe bulkers that you can visit here.
Is he still humble? We doubt he ever was but like just about everyone else on this list (who isn't dead) he still makes appearances from time to time in the sport that made him famous.