Image via Complex Original
Intro
Stop.The.Presses. Get ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Deadspin, all of 'em, we have some breaking news: Athletes like to get drunk. A lot. Yes, it turns out your favorite baller does not treat his body like a temple (unless it's a temple devoted to Coors Light and Jager shots). OK, so truth be told, we haven't really stumbled on a new phenomenon here. Still, it's always fun to look at photos of wasted people (what you thought Facebook was for sharing baby pictures?), and even more so when those wasted people are famous. So from Hall of Famers to career backups and everyone in between, these are the Craziest Drunk Athlete Photos of All Time...
Michael Jordan
45. Michael Jordan
MJ's drinking that Thug Passion, huh? That's Alize and champagne for those not privy to hood concoctions. He's not drunk yet, hell, he doesn't even have a cigar lit yet; you'll know when he's drunk later in the countdown.
Matt Flynn
44. Matt Flynn
And this is why Matt Flynn is a backup QB. It's a pretty sweet gig; party with chicks while looking completely trashed in the process. Thank God, she's legal because she's totally DTF.
Al Leiter
43. Al Leiter
Al just got some cool points. How can you hate on beer pong amongst friends? ESPN should have a beer pong contest pitting our favorite athletes versus fans. If bowling and pool get air-time, this should too.
Nick Swisher
42. Nick Swisher
Swish is always up for a good time. Shorty looks like she wants to go deep if you know what we mean. What's good with dude in the back? One instance where it's ok to overthrow the cut-off man.
Jeff Reed
41. Jeff Reed
Just another drunk, idiot kicker. This one just so happens to look like Scotty 2 Hotty. Having your shirt off in the bar is never a good sign; we see Jersey Shore in his future.
Joel Zumaya
40. Joel Zumaya
Keg stand, bitch! Now that's badass. Hold up, didn't this dude injure his shoulder while playing Guitar Hero? We take that badass back. Friends don't let friends do Natty Ice keg stands, ask this guy.
Josh Howard
39. Josh Howard
Not much to say about this photo except Josh Howard is kinda wild and super twos, FTW!
Greg Oden
38. Greg Oden
Somebody got dug out that night. He keeps getting caught out there, man, and at a college party by the looks of it. The thirst has to come to an end, Greg, it only leads to devastation and embarrassment.
Dirk Nowitzki
37. Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk is a party animal and seems pretty cool. What other ball player would be chilling in a random bar, make faces and flip birds in pictures with his fans?
Michael Jordan 2
36. Michael Jordan
SMH. Mike is out in public acting a damn fool. You know what? We ain't mad at him; he's a billionaire and the fucking king. It's safe to say, those Beckys were invited to the telly for the trizzy...Triz Nathaniel to you.
Matt Leinart
35. Matt Leinart
What's with this dude? He's fully enjoying being a full-time third string QB. The blonde in the back is pissed her friend snatched his drunk ass up, or so it seems.
Joakim Noah
34. Joakim Noah
Joakim looks like he's having a hell of a time. That chick looks like she's beat for that drink, though. It's all good, she's probably looking for a come up. Groupies will be groupies.
Andrei Kirilenko
33. Andrei Kirilenko
Get that shit, son! Kirilenko is a wild dude, man. I must break you.
Jason Giambi
32. Jason Giambi
Bartender, Jack! A real man takes a bottle to the face. The Giambino is living that life, he looks trashed; when in Vegas, right? Good to see he's off the HGH and onto the Jack Daniels, probably why he's still playing.
Cam Newton
31. Cam Newton
Poppin' bottles, puttin' super models in a cab? We see you, fam! Cam was celebrating being the No. 1 pick, spraying the haters with a big ass bottle of Ace, or is that Dom? Does it matter?
Rory McIlroy
30. Rory McIlroy
The god's drinking some Guinness out the U.S. Open Cup. That's how you celebrate your first major. He tweeted that shit too. It tastes so good, when it hits your lips, it tastes so good!
Steve Nash
29. Steve Nash
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but when we see Stevie like this, we bring it down to four letters: SMDH!
Alex Rios
28. Alex Rios
If someone were to tell us that Alex Rios took this quick picture before shooting for "Girls Gone Wild," we would believe that person. It's just got that making-of-a-webcam feel.
Shawne Merriman
27. Shawne Merriman
You gotta love Merriman's club routine. Hold the drink you actually sip from in the left hand while keeping the bottle you pour on the ladies in the right. Sidebar: We don't know if the girl photobombing in the picture on the right is mean-mugging because she didn't get some bubbly poured on her or that they're almost wearing the same top. Hey, they all look the same when you're sporting sunglasses in the club. Right, Shawne?
Jeff Reed 2
26. Jeff Reed
C'mon man, don't you get treated horribly enough for being a kicker?! Now you know why your position gets no love.
Allen Iverson
25. Allen Iverson
In this photo, AI hit that bromance stage of being drunk. The combination of the awkward showing of affection by Iverson and the look on his friend's face that says, "This is going to end up on the Internet, isn't it?" is just priceless.
Chris Bosh
24. Chris Bosh
Looks like CB4 is having a good time, but he's always one tear drop away from being added to this list.
Mark Cuban
23. Mark Cuban
Not an athlete? Eh, who cares?!? Mark Cuban is the best owner ever. He splurges when his team wins a chip, he talks a lot of shit to players and the press, and he bags hot women like it's nothing. Keep doing your thing, fam!
Matthew Stafford
22. Matthew Stafford
You see, Matthew Stafford knows how to avoid the dreaded drunk pic. You put a hot chick in front of you and all the attention is diverted away from you. Well done, sir!
Mike Dunleavy Jr.
21. Mike Dunleavy Jr.
Talk about getting ripped. Mike Dunleavy, Jr. shows us how drunk you never want to get. Luckily for us, Junior was nice enough to let one of his buddies snap a picture. Now should we expect a PSA with Sarah McLachlan in the future?
Vince Young
20. Vince Young
Damn man, the life of a has-been NFL player can sure be rough. One minute, you're surrounded by a bevy of hot women. The next, you're standing around shirtless with a bunch of other shirtless dudes. Life can be hard (II) sometimes.
Eli Manning
19. Eli Manning
Eli Manning a.k.a. "The Man of Many Faces" hit us with another gem after getting snapped drinking a little too much. The face says it all.
Gina Carano
18. Gina Carano
Don't let the mixed martial artist background fool you, Gina is playing both sides of the field: a lover and a fighter. Not that we're complaining.
Tony Parker
17. Tony Parker
These ladies are some true fans, Tony, the least you could do is take a good picture with them. But hey, if we were in your situation, we would knock back shot after shot too if we messed things up with a girl like Eva Longoria.
Hines Ward
16. Hines Ward
Poor Hines. Dude looks so embarrassed over getting caught drunk driving. Someone needs to reassure him that they're not going to take away his Dancing With the Stars trophy because of this incident.
Deshawn Stevenson
15. Deshawn Stevenson
After the Mavs won their first NBA Championship in franchise history, every person on the team (and the owner) on that team partied it up for days and days. DeShawn Stevenson may have gotten a little too tanked after he got arrested for public intoxication. But c'mon, with all those ridiculous tattoos, homie's been guilty of public embarrassment for a long time.
Yao Ming
14. Yao Ming
We were sad to see Yao retire a couple weeks ago but we're hoping he has many more nights like this. Side bar: Does the blood alcohol content chart even apply to someone that big (II)?
Manny Ramirez
13. Manny Ramirez
You didn't know that a fresh Kangol, triple-XL Mike Vick jersey, and some merengue lessons was all it took to bag snow bunnies? Earning over $200 milli over your career helps, too.
David Beckham
12. David Beckham
Damn, homie. *50 cent voice* #nuffsaid
Ryan Howard
11. Ryan Howard
Some people hate on black athletes being seen out with white girls, but we think Big Pun said it best: "I don't discriminate, I regulate every shade of that ass."
Casey Hampton
10. Casey Hampton
We don't care if Casey Hampton picked up two Super Bowl rings with the Steelers. Unless you're Ricky Rozay...actually scratch that, absolutely no dudes have an excuse for taking their shirt off in the club. Side bar: Why is homie's hand on Hampton's stomach? Yikes.
Reggie Miller
9. Reggie Miller
Only Reggie can make pouring Grey Goose down some random broad's throat seem this square. Looks can be deceiving though, word is that Reggie is the O.G. Mr. Steal Your Girl. Or at least Mr. Attempt To Do So.
Stephen Jackson
8. Stephen Jackson
Captain Jack drinks bottles to the neck, son! Drinking Belvy like that probably isn't the best decision to make, we hope he has a driver. His boy looks like he got Dame Dash'd and loved it, though.
Kyle Orton
7. Kyle Orton
We can't really blame dude. Being traded from the title contending Bears to the Broncos, who haven't made the playoffs since 2005, would drive you to drink too, fam.
Dirk Nowitzki & Steve Nash
6. Dirk Nowitzki & Steve Nash
So, many pause-worthy qualities to this photo: What's that wet stuff on Dirk's shirt? Why is he touching that random dude? Why are him and Steve Nash gazing into each others eyes like that? We guess some kind of a bromance had to develop after playing together for six seasons...
Jay Cutler
5. Jay Cutler
See, all Kristin Cavallari had to do was peep the photo evidence. Does this look ANYTHING like a dude who wants to get married in the foreseeable future? Can't say we didn't warn ya.
Chris Duhon
4. Chris Duhon
This photo proves that it doesn't matter if played for the all-mighty and hated Duke University; athletes love partying white girls. We love 'em too, Chris. A lot.
Dustin Pedroia
3. Dustin Pedroia
Despite being a Cali-native, Dustin Pedroia seems to exemplify everything that is Boston: He's gritty, a little trashy (in a good way, no shots), and hardworking. So, it's no surprise to see him behind a Boston area bar, clutching what looks like a bottle of Jim Bean and rocking a Holiday Inn t-shirt.
Ben Roethlisberger
2. Ben Roethlisberger
Just before Big Ben went on to win his first Super Bowl (and rack up a couple sexual assault accusations), some pictures surfaced showing that he already knows how to party like a champ. To win a Super Bowl you have to be aggressive, a little reckless, and very persistent—on the field, that is.
Dirk Nowitzki 2
1. Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk's pretty much the prototypical hardworking player who takes care of business on the court and keeps his nose clean off of it. But when you win the NBA Finals after 13 years in the league, you gotta let loose a little. And by a little we mean, swigging from casket-sized bottles of Rose. We ain't mad at you, Dirk. FOH, bandwagoning Weezy though.